E35 Wendy Behary

Disarming the Narcissist at Work – S02. E35.

About Wendy Behary:

With 25+ years of professional experience and advanced level certifications, Wendy Behary is the founder and director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and The Schema Therapy Institutes of NJ-NYC-DC. She has been treating clients, training professionals and supervising psychotherapists for  more than 20 years. Wendy was on the faculty of the Cognitive Therapy Center and Schema Therapy Institute of  New York (until the Institutes merged in 2012), where she trained and worked with Dr. Jeffrey Young since 1989. She is a founding fellow and consulting supervisor for The Academy of Cognitive Therapy (Aaron T. Beck’s Institute). Wendy served as the President of the Executive Board of the International Society of Schema Therapy (ISST) from 2010-2014 and served as the Training and Certification Coordinator for the ISST Executive Board from 2008-2010. She is currently the chair of the Schema Therapy Development Programs Sub-Committee for the ISST. 

Wendy Behary has co-authored several chapters and articles on Schema Therapy and Cognitive Therapy. She is the  author of an international bestselling book, “Disarming the Narcissist…” translated into 15 languages. The Third  Edition was released on October 1, 2021. Wendy has a specialty in treating narcissists and the people who live with  and deal with them. As an author and an expert on the subject of narcissism, she is a contributing chapter author of  several chapters on schema therapy for narcissism for professional readers. She lectures both nationally and  internationally to professional and general audiences on schema therapy, narcissism, interpersonal relationships,  anger, and dealing with difficult people. She receives consistent high praise for her clear and articulate teaching style and her ability to bring the therapy to life through dramatic demonstrations of client interactions in the treatment room.  

Her work industry business speaking engagements focus on interpersonal conflict resolution. Her private practice is primarily devoted to treating narcissists, partners/people dealing with them, and couples experiencing relationship problems. 


Dr. Laura welcomes Wendy Behary, founder and director of The Schema Institutes of NJ/NYC/DC and author of the best-selling book “Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed”, to the podcast. Wendy brings over twenty-five years of professional experience, and a specialty in treating both narcissists and those who deal with them, to this important conversation.

Wendy Behary defines narcissism and explains the traits that define both more typical “overt narcissists” and the “covert narcissists” she refers to as ‘virtuous victims’. Narcissistic individuals all carry the same sense of very self-absorbed energy. Dr. Laura and Wendy explore why narcissists do tend to gravitate to professional work and leadership positions, and Wendy shares the pros of their leadership as well as the devastating cons. Wendy has vast experience, through her extensive work as a therapist, on how to deal with a narcissist and why certain approaches work and others don’t. She wrote her book to help the people living and working with narcissists identify opportunities to get them help, while liberating themselves from self-blame. 

“I think one of the toughest situations is when you’re working with or for someone like this, especially if it’s your boss or supervisor, because you may just not have the luxury of just leaving. Or the ease of transitioning into a whole new job. If you can, it may be the best way. But for most people that isn’t the case. And so I guide them, as you probably do too, Laura, with strategies like: set limits as much as you can, try to limit your exposure, keep yourself tucked away from the narcissist as much as you can. Don’t be trying to win them over. It’s really a lost cause.” – Wendy Behary