As I encourage people to escape from toxic bosses, I redirect them toward looking for great leaders in healthy workplaces. But what is a great leader? That is a big question that has been researched and spoken about extensively for decades. Thousands of books exist on what makes great leadership.
When I’m asked what makes a great leader, I think of a leader who exemplifies the descriptions I’ve listed in the table below:
| Authentic and empathetic | Respectful |
| Supports people’s career development | High integrity |
| Challenges people to grow | Open and honest communicator |
| Provides appreciation and constructive feedback | Supports people as whole humans, respecting their work//life wellness |
| Trustworthy and has their people’s backs | Active listener |
I could list many more attributes, and there are different ways of saying these same things, but you get the gist! Finding a leader who has all these attributes is tricky, as most leaders are works in progress, with some of these attributes being strengths and others being gaps or blind spots for them.
What isn’t mentioned in my list above is whether they are likeable. Does it matter if we like our boss? This is an interesting question and brings up a continuum on which leaders fall, ranging from people pleasing on one end to all business on the other end. People pleasing at its extreme makes for weak leadership. People pleasers will do anything to keep you happy, and do not like saying no. They may be likeable for this reason, even wanting to be your friend, but in the end, they don’t do these key things well:
- Give constructive feedback to help you grow – because they so desperately don’t want to hurt feelings, they avoid providing constructive feedback, which is key to growth.
- Hold people accountable for poor performance or bad behaviors – they are so conflict avoidant that they let people on the team get away with slacking or treating others badly, which is an abdication of their leadership responsibility.
- Don’t make tough decisions – because they want to please everyone, they end up pleasing nobody. They avoid making important decisions, creating unnecessary delays and frustration.
As a result, the fear that these people pleasers have of being perceived as tough or uncompromising leads to ineffective leadership, where boundaries blur and productivity suffers (Forbes, 2024)1. On the other extreme are the all business leaders, who do not care about people, only results. To them, people are assets or resources to get jobs done, and there’s no room for caring or empathy as it’s all about business. These leaders are often cold, strict, and unempathetic. They don’t care about you as a human being and are highly unlikeable as a result.
Leaders who are in the middle of this continuum have a more balanced focus on people and performance. They treat people well, but they also encourage and expect productivity. Are they likeable? Maybe, but what they are more importantly is respected and respectful. They are fair, and you can depend on them to make the tough decisions, have your back, and challenge you to grow. They should not be your close friend but are someone that you appreciate working for and respect.
Research has found that liking a leader can actually contribute to how employees view their overall effectiveness. If subordinates indicated they liked their leader, then they also rated them as more transformational, authentic, ethical, and less abusive. So, likeability can help, so long as it doesn’t come at the expense of accountability (Forbes, 2024)2.
In closing, I love this quote: leaders should ‘resist the need to be liked by replacing it with the need to lead right’ (Forbes, 2019)3.
What do you think– is it important to like your boss?
I will continue to share research findings, tools, tips, and information about my upcoming book about toxic bosses in my monthly e-newsletter and social media channels:
Youtube: @dr.laurawhereworkmeetslife
Facebook: @Dr.Laura.whereworkmeetslife
Instagram: @dr.laura__
Tik Tok: @drlaura__
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References:
- Laker, B. (2024). Stop Sacrificing Authority Just To Be Liked By Your Team. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/benjaminlaker/2024/09/23/stop-sacrificing-authority-just-to-be-liked-by-your-team/
- Laker, B. (2024). Why Being Liked Will Probably Never Make You A Great Leader. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/benjaminlaker/2024/09/20/why-being-liked-will-probably-never-make-you-a-great-leader/
- Kruse, K. (2019). Successful Leaders Are ‘Likeable,’ Not ‘Liked.’ Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/kevinkruse/2019/11/14/leaders-arent-friends/
Dr. Laura Hambley is a thought leader on Career and Workplace Psychology, passionate about career development. She founded Canada Career Counselling in 2009, however has specialized in career development since 1999 through her Master’s research and counselling in different settings, including outplacement and career transition firms in Alberta.
Dr. Laura learned early on that effective career planning enhances wellbeing, confidence, and clarity in one’s work and life. Combining the expertise of Psychology with Career Counselling is what she sought to do as she founded and evolved Canada Career Counselling from Calgary to Toronto, Victoria, and Halifax, providing Career Counselling and Career Coaching to thousands of clients over many years.
Dr. Laura enjoys her work as a Career Counsellor and Career Coach to professionals who are in mid- or senior stages of their career, helping them navigate complex career decisions and pivots. Her extensive experience as an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist, enables her to understand and address the challenges faced by individuals, leaders, teams, and organizational cultures. Having consulted to a wide range of organizations since the late 1990s, and becoming a future of work thought leader, has enabled her to help individuals and organizations navigate the latest trends impacting today’s organizations.
Dr. Laura fulfilled her dream of having her own podcast in 2020, called Where Work Meets Life™, where she interviews experts globally on topics around career fulfillment and thriving humans and organizations. She is a sought-after keynote speaker for organizations, associations, conferences, and events.
In addition to her Master’s in Counselling Psychology (1999), Laura holds a Ph.D. in Industrial/Organizational Psychology (2005) from the University of Calgary. She is a Registered Psychologist with the College of Alberta Psychologists, as well as a member of the Psychologists’ Association of Alberta and the Society of Human Resource Management (SHRM). She also contributes to teaching, supervision, and research as an Adjunct Professor of Psychology at the University of Calgary.
For more resources, look into Dr. Laura’s organizations:
