with Samra Zafar
Keynote Speaker / Bestselling Author / Charity Founder / Physician-in-Training
I can’t imagine what my life would have been like if I was forced into marriage as a teen bride, denied the ability to do my degree, and subjected to a life of physical and emotional abuse. This is what Samra Zafar endured, and wrote about in her book, “A Good Wife”. Her inspiring story is about how she persevered to escape the life she never chose.
Today, Samra has had a successful career in the finance industry and is now pursuing her lifelong dream of becoming a medical doctor. Not only has Samra made the bold and courageous decision to start a new life, with her two daughters, by leaving an abusive arranged marriage, but she is not afraid to make a major mid-career pivot, which many of our clients at Canada Career Counselling can find daunting.
Episode 67 | Making Bold Life Changes: Turning Fear into Courage
“Something that’s really stuck with me is that ‘courage is not the absence of fear.’ There is no such thing as being fearless. If we were fearless, we would not be human.” Samra Zafar
What qualities do you feel helped you make these major life and career pivots?
Samra describes how courage is an interesting word. “Something that’s really stuck with me is that ‘courage is not the absence of fear.’ There is no such thing as being fearless. If we were fearless, we would not be human. Fear is a healthy and natural emotion. I was absolutely terrified leaving my marriage and when I was applying to medical school,” she explains. Courage is not about knowing everything that will happen, but about being fluid and adaptable.
There were so many moments when Samra felt no hope. Yet this voice in her head would never go away, leaving her with a little bit of hope. “I would stand in front of a mirror and give myself pep talks. If I don’t respect my dreams, then who will? If I don’t fight for my dreams, then who will? It was up to me to be my own cheerleader,” Samra explains.
She describes how she fought to have any sense of self-worth. “When I catch myself being hard on myself, I ask: ‘Would I ever talk to my daughter like I’m talking to myself?’ If the answer is no, then stop! Being kind to yourself allows you to do the work.”
“Everything starts with awareness and recognition. Our limiting voices are often coming from somewhere. The limiting voices I’ve had have come from being raised in a family or community where my dreams were invalidated. Because I was a girl I didn’t have the right to dream big.”
Tell us a little bit more about your book A Good Wife?
“A Good Wife” came out in 2019. This is Samra’s memoir about being forced into marriage at the age of 16 and imported to Canada in her teens, not knowing any of her rights. She was terrified but also held onto a little bit of hope. She was promised a university education in Canada, but that promise turned out to be hollow. Suffering abuse over many years was a very dark place to be in, but her inner voice never left her.
Samra left after 10 years of marriage with two daughters, living in student housing and working multiple jobs to survive, plus dealing with cultural backlash. Against all odds, she graduated as a top student at the University of Toronto. She decided to share her story as she knew deep down that it wasn’t only her story, but the story of so many girls and women.
As a result of her bestselling book, a large number of women have reached out. “Every single day I get messages, it is honestly the most incredible privilege of my life to be able to take something painful and negative and turn it into a positive force….to show them the light they have within themselves. Sometimes we need someone to show us our own power,” she explains.
“Every single day I get messages, it is honestly the most incredible privilege of my life to be able to take something painful and negative and turn it into a positive force….to show them the light they have within themselves. Sometimes we need someone to show us our own power.” Samra Zafar
I know that Paying it Forward is something you’re passionate about. Tell us how you go about doing this.
Samra explains how when she started sharing her story she got approached by women in her community and started mentoring them and helping them as they left abusive relationships. Brave Beginnings is about women supporting women; a mentoring program with women giving back time and energy to sit down with survivors looking to carve their own paths after surviving abuse. This just became a registered charity and is in the process of growing.
What does work-life wellness mean to you, and how does it play out in your life?
“Work and life are not separate but are integrated. I think a big part of what keeps me going is that I love what I do. My work gives me a lot of joy. Overall, I’m working towards something I’m building and a vision. I’m proactive about carving out ‘me’ time and rest time. I used to be go-go-go and crash and then recover and do it again. That caught up to me and I almost had a breakdown a few years ago,” she explains.
She uses the quote: “Treat your mental health like it’s your dental health.” We wouldn’t wait for a tooth to fall out before starting to brush our teeth, so why wait for a panic attack to start taking care of our mental health? “I carve out at least 20 minutes a day to meditate, walk, have a bubble bath.”
“Treat your mental health like it’s your dental health.” Samra Zafar
What do you read and or listen to for your own growth and development?
“Good Morning, I Love You” by Shauna Shapiro, PhD: A book on self-compassion. It contains lots of a-ha moments. Samra notes how shame shuts down the learning centers in our brain. Working on self-compassion is a more stable form of self-worth, compared to only focusing on our accomplishments, which are fickle. We feel good temporarily while accomplishing, yet need to always remember that we are worthy with or without our accomplishments.
If you could have one wish for a better world, what would it be?
Samra Zafar’s one wish for the world today is that we don’t lose the art of human connection, human discourse and active listening. That’s what creates a better and more resilient world.
About Samra Zafar:
Samra Zafar is an award-winning internationally renowned speaker, bestselling author, and educator for equity, mental health, and human rights. Samra is currently pursuing an MD at McMaster’s DeGroote School of Medicine with the purpose of becoming a psychiatrist promoting inclusive mental health.
She is the founder and CEO of Brave Beginnings, a national charity supporting women in building lives of freedom after escaping abuse and oppression.
She has been recognized twice among the Top 100 Most Powerful Women in Canada. She is also named among the Top 25 Most Inspirational Women in Canada, and Top 25 Canadian Immigrants. She is the 2021 recipient of the Desmond Parker Outstanding Young Alumni Award at University of Toronto, in recognition of her work to advance human rights. She served as one of the youngest alumni governors for the University of Toronto. She currently serves as a board member for Women’s College Hospital Foundation and a Celebrated Ambassador for Plan International Canada.
Samra’s book, “A Good Wife: Escaping The Life I Never Chose”, based on her journey of escaping an abusive child marriage to pursue her education and shed light on gender-based oppression, is an international bestseller, and is being adapted for television.
Her work has impacted millions and has been extensively featured in national and global media.
Learn more about Samra on her website: SamraZafar.com
